A Random Chat With Test Icicles

How many interviews start talking about Mcfly and end up with a chance encounter with Pete Doherty on a mini-moped via defunct boy band North & South? Then again Test Icicles aren't an average band and their interviews are every bit as dysfunctional as their album "For Screening Purposes Only". At the time of going to press Test Icicles have announced their split and the final tour around the UK is later this month...so to remember the blur that was Test Icicles read below.

Designer: I thought you said Mcfly were shit then
Dev: I'm gonna get into it. Do you know they had that Record Of The Year show? That All Bout You song? I've only ever really heard the adverts before (attempts to sing Mcfly), you only ever hear the "It's All About You" bit. So I watched the performance of that song and that bit is only at the end of the song, the song is progressive and there's no real chorus. It really builds up to the climax of that bit. It was really good. It's like that band are so good. Their latest single if that was written Oasis people would be going that song is f**king awesome, but because it's written by Mcfly it's sidelined. Mcfly are heaps better than Oasis.

Designer: Mcfly or Busted?
Dev: Mcfly. There would be no Busted without Mcfly because Mcfly have written half of their songs

Rory: Im sure Matt outta Busted could join our band

Dev: He's got a solo project coming on and Tom DeLonge had written all the songs for him

Rory: We should have got him in rehab when he was down. That's how i've got all my girlfriends

Dev: Didn't that happen in the first N'Sync video. The ginger girl from Clueless, the ugly one, is in the first N'Sync video.

Designer: Back to yourselves I get the impression you just do what you want and are surprise anyone wants to watch you
Dev: I don't know how longer people are going to tolerate us. He's our new band member and he's had enough already. This guys reached another level that I never thought I would reach professionally.

Rory: Do you know when a band gets a projectionist and a special light show and the floor raises from the crowd and the drum kits rises. That's what Adam has done - that's the level he's taken us to but in a lower place. If we started much lower this is the level he's taken us up that much further. He keeps us grounded like earth so we return to more classic elements.

Dev: It's working now though - give it 3 months and we'll look just like Bloc Party

Designer Magazine: If Bloc Party have got the Blochead, what's Test Icicles haircut going to be like?
Dev: Short back and sides

Rory: Short back and twists

Dev: Or just twists

Q: What's Test Icicles plans for the rest of the year?
Rory: We're going to play 1000 shows and then we're going to die.

Dev: I was saying to some yesterday that i'm definitely going to kill myself by the end of this year. You've got that to look forward to. It won't be because of the band, it will because i'm a failed comic book artist and I won't be able to take it any more.

Rory: The band will be over by then and you'll just find hundreds and hundreds of comics in this little room and he'll be all alone.

Dev: No-one's going to care so you're gonna have to really search hard to find that i'm dead. And then the year after i'll be resurrected - Black from the dead!!!

Designer Mag: So what you listening to on your laptops apart from the Cardigans?
Dev: Don't print that. Just keep it hidden

Rory: I'm listening to Headless at the moment. They're all girls and they rockhard. It's a big chunk of stoner rock where they all downtune their guitars. They've got a 7" single which is 12 tracks long in 8 minutes.

Dev: It sounds like were making this up but were not

Rory: They're just musicians on another place and we're trying to catch up with them. Their all signed up to Air Myspace

Designer: All the many many made up bands of Test Icicles - wasn't this the way you started off forming bands. Names first and music later
Rory: Pretty much. He (Dev) was going to start a band with three other people and they wanted to be called Cock Beat. And I was in the room at the same time and one of the three guys said why don't we start an offshoot of the band called Balls. I was like i'll be in Balls and then Cock Beat never happened. Then Balls turned into Test Icicles. Now I don't know what's going to happen cos we haven't come up with another name yet. But it's not going to be genital related.

Dev: What was the North & South program called? We could collaborate with them. (Sings) "Who do you think you are? Tarrantino's New Star", "I'm a man not a boy man not a boy". Two members of that ran off and formed Northern Line. Remember how they formed in the series as two different bands. There was the posh singer and the geeky programmer.

Designer Mag: You know your boy bands don't ya?
Dev: I do

Rory: But only the TV based ones

Dev: Obviously. What were the ones that used to be on GMTV? Was it O-Town

Designer Mag: Are you looking forward to the Take That reunion?
Dev: I was never into Take That. It was all about East 17

Rory: I think Robbie's a c*nt though man, he needs to get in there

Dev: But him and Mark are still best friends, but he is a c*nt. I just love Gary. I just love the fact that Gary's a multi-millionaire and like family and kids. He's probably got the best life out of all of them including Robbie. Robbie said in an interview he would change with Gary in an instant

Designer Mag: So the Test Icicles sound - obviously a retread of North & South's best moments?
Rory: Some people say we sound like a band called Braniac, although we don't sound anything like them. We sound like Slayer meet the Pop group. No actually....Queens Of The Stoneage having it out with Led Zeppelin while the Pet Shop Boys are pissing on a snowman and George Michael is w*nking in the corner and Simon Le Bon's sailing whilst decorated like a blind Bloc Party while being murdered by the murderer of Michael Hutchence

Dev: If we're better than the Beatles then we should get 10 outta 10. What are the Beatles worth now, like 7 outta 10

Sam: We got 8 out of 10 in NME, so what does that mean? That's 20% less than what we put in.

Rory: Imagine if you got home and you had 20% less food in your cupboard or 20% less milk. What would you do then? Why is it good to have an 80% album?

Q: Well you could be Pete Doherty or Carl Barat who post-Libertines probably have a 50% album in them?
Dev: Is that what's Didz is in now - Dirty Pretty Things.

Rory: I know Test Icicles is a bad name, but f**k Dirty Pretty Things.

Dev: Did I tell you what happened on the way to that meeting? Pete Doherty stopped me in the street. That's Pete Doherty on a mini-motorbike in Brick Lane. I had my headphones on and do you know those mini-motorbikes that asian guys have, he just whizzed around me and I just thought it was some guy. So he's there going Dev Dev with some guy on his back, a big stain on his left cheek, giant blue coat and top hat. Pete's like "How's the band man?", he's got a really high voice. Then he had to go so a third guy jumps on the side and they ride off down the road. It was just a really surreal moment. There were no cameras or anything.

Rory: He was probably cracked out of his mind and it was the happiest moment of his life.

Dev: His supermodel girlfriends dumped him, he's going to jail...but he's got a mini-moped. That's what we aspire to!!!

Test Icicles do a final tour in April...after that they're hibernating to Here & Now 2036
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